Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As shirtless as possible
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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