I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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