the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
