I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
