I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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