To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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