Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
