i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
