Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
