This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
