Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
