Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
