Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
