Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
