haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
