Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
