A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
