We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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