thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
