I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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