what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
