I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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