I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
