i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
