she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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