Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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