I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
