During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
