It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
