Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
