i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
