Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My life is pants optional.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
