Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
