I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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