if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
