we have officially lost it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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