don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
