No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
