guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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