I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
