I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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