Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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