i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
