Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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