I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize