His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
