Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
