I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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