Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
