That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
