I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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