Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
