Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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