I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
