you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
