i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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