Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Couch. On fire.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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