Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
