in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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