so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
