he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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