Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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