Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
