I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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