Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
