Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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