my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
