I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
