I think i peed on brittanys purse
this beer tastes like vomit already
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize