just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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