if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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