well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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