I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
