My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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