The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
ok first of all what the fuck
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
